Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Beware, Florida Living

Think you had a crazy morning?

I got up early with Natalie this morning, enjoyed some playtime and then settled her down to some Raisin Bran and Sesame Street so I could take a shower. I head into our guest bathroom for a quick break before showering and am "greeted" by something I never thought I'd see. As I open the toilet seat, something moves. Let me say that again... SOMETHING IS MOVING IN MY TOILET!!


I proceed to scream and generally freak out and am immobilized by shock as I see two eyes looking back at me, in my toilet. As the shock fades, I realize it's a goddamn FROG in my toilet. Not a tiny frog either, but a healthy-size one (for the toilet anyway) at 2-3 inches in diameter. And while I am standing there, I'm sure my mouth gaping, the frog is freaking out as well. Those eyes are wide and he (she?) is kicking and splashing spasmodically and I realize in horror that he might jump out. At which point I slam the seat down.

What to do now?

I open it again to make sure I'm not crazy and he's still looking at me!! Arrgh! So I run to grab Dean. Clearly, this is a man's job. He's still in bed and I tell him he has to come see something, right now. He gets a slightly worried look and is asking me what it is and I just say "no, you have to see this" and lead him into the bathroom. I tell him to open the toilet seat. He gives me that look that says "uh-oh", opens the lid and sees... nothing. The frog is gone. My lovely husband then asks me if I'm sure I saw a frog. I think my look answered that question.

Then, he starts looking around the bathroom, asking if it got out. I panic for a second and then realize no, while he appeared basketball size in my horror, I know he was too small to force open the lid. So I tell Dean to look in the basin. Still nothing. So, Dean flushes the toilet, nothing happens and that is it. I'm feeling slightly remorseful at this point, wondering if the flush killed the frog, but really, I'm more afraid he's still in the piping waiting to make another appearance.

Of course, this brings up memories of my childhood when I heard about a lady in Texas who got bitten while peeing when a snake came up the toilet. I had serious fears about this for months after... always checking for snakes in our toilet in California. Nice to have finally gotten over that only to be re-traumatized through finding a frog in my own toilet.

So let's just say, the lids on the toilets will remain closed in the house moving forward. I will likely not use the guest bathroom for awhile. I even had to flush first when using the other bathroom because in my freaked out state, I wondered if the pipes were connected. Oh, and all this is happening as we are on the brink of potty training Natalie. Nice.

So, when you come to visit, look before you pee and if you leave the seat up, I'm going to kick you out of my house.


Anonymous said...

My, Erin. I think you handled yourself well. I would have called the doctor and asked about getting a catheter so that I would never have to sit on the toilet again!

Violet said...

Good job on remembering the "Scream, Jump, and Slam" method of dealing with toilet frogs! All that time you spent on the Safety Committee is paying off at last.

I want to read the frog's account of this. I wonder if he keeps a blog. Or she. It could have been a she.


Very Sherry said...

Great. Now I'm gonna have to check the toilet every time too! eeekkk! Too funny. Great to see you post!
hugs n kisses

Erinness said...

Haha, yes the Scream, Jump and Slam method is highly effective.

And, apparently I am very lucky or blessed as everyone here in FL is (more on that later). A friend found a snake in her laundry and had carried it from her bedroom to the laundry room before discovering it. Ugh.